Talking Some WoW

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Obamaville?

They just don’t make horror movie trailers like the used to anymore. Thankfully, the genius behind Rick Santorum’s campaign hive-mind is looking out for us old-time horror fans!

Wait, this is supposed to be serious? Oh dear…

Conversations with the Politically Insane

Walking through the mall with any sense of real purpose long gone, we decide to grab some food before we take off. Walking up to order my food, I hear some strange mumblings from a shady looking fellow sitting alone at a table and he begins to snicker. Thinking he was saying something to me, I ask him nicely at first what he has said since I barely heard him. He glares at me and with a menacing smirk continues staring straight at me. Somewhat angered at being so blatantly brushed-off, I ask him again to say what he had said to which was answered only by the lady at the counter beckoning me over to place my order.

I go ahead and order my meal, sit down, eat and decide it would make a lot more sense to start out the nearby exit, allowing a walk around the parking lot to my car as to enjoy a well earned cigarette. As I begin the trek outside, the man I had confronted opened the door for me and upon thanking him heard he mumbled something else. I ask him what he said and prepare for a confrontation. He speaks much clearer the second time.
“Let me grab that for you and your spouse, and I wasn’t laughing at you”
“What did you say?”
[Psycho begins repeating himself]
“No, I heard what you said now, what did you say in there?”
“Nothing, I was laughing at something that happened to me today at the Government of Canada office”

This is the point where I have left the comfort zone and began my journey into Hell with the Encyclopedia of Canadian Politics as my guide.

As is common whenever I am uncomfortable I periodically pull out a cigarette and place it in my lips as a deterrent from conversation. Of course not only does this not deter my captor, but the act of reaching into his worn leather jacket to hand me a lighter causes my heart to skip a beat due to how awkwardly he moves. I make a stupid move and question what could possibly be so funny with the government to which a Trivial Pursuit game began. I wish I could recall some examples of the questions I was practically forced to answer while standing in the same spot for over an hour but the following is what I have taken away from it:
– Jean Chretien wrote a book that details everything that is wrong with Canada and the government
– it is imperative that I remember the numbers “398 – 395”
– George Bush was humiliated by having a cut-out of him pelted with a shoe cannon
– the George Bush cut-out could not defend itself
– we donated a zamboni machine to tsunami victims on New Years day
– our legacy for the world is homosexual marriage

For those who may be confused, the quick rundown of an hour-and-change’s worth of conversation was that since we humiliated George W. Bush as a city (during his visit to Calgary), we have allied ourselves with Al-Qaeda and in turn disrespected them due to our roundabout way of calling them queers because we support gay marriage.

Did I mention all of this can be read in Jean Chretien’s book?